


Jon’s Very Bad Day

by kitkatkaylie



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: (but not really), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at humour, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff, Implied Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28460508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatkaylie/pseuds/kitkatkaylie
Summary: Jon was nervous about bringing Satin to meet his family, turns out he didn’t have to be when all his siblings are hiding something of their own...
Relationships: Myrcella Baratheon/Arya Stark, Robb Stark/Jeyne Westerling, Sansa Stark/Jeyne Westerling, Satin Flowers/Jon Snow, Theon Greyjoy/Robb Stark, Theon Greyjoy/Sansa Stark, Tommen Baratheon/Bran Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	Jon’s Very Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: Or A Stark's reunion with EVERYONE and they all confess their crushes and who they're dating including whatever couples you want but make it✨ funny ✨ & embarrassing.

Jon rolled his shoulders back and took a deep breath, this was fine. He could absolutely deal with coming out to his family, they would love Satin. Everyone loved Satin. It would be fine.

Satin squeezed his hand comfortingly, “We don’t have to say I’m your boyfriend if you don’t feel ready. We can just say I’m your friend.”

It was a sweet offer, but Jon was tired of hiding. His family would be surprised, but he knew they would not hate him, not when Uncle Brynden was very open about his sexuality and everyone accepted him.

“No, it’s fine. I’m just being a bit stupid.”

Satin pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, “You aren’t stupid. A little dumb sometimes perhaps Mr-Can’t-Boil-An-Egg, but not stupid.”

His words made Jon smile, somehow Satin always knew the best way to calm him down. He groaned though when he looked out of the window and saw a familiar car parked in front of the house. 

“Fucking hells, Greyjoy is here. I still don’t know what Sansa sees in that prick.” He complained, much to the amusement of Satin.

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad.” Satin tried to comfort him, “We can always just ignore him if need be.”

Jon did know that, and he supposed that at least this time he wouldn’t have Theon mocking him for his lack of partner. 

He sighed, “I suppose we had better go in, else Aunt Cat will tell us off for loitering.”

He led Satin up to the familiar front door, it’s grey paint and silver wolf knocker unchanged since his childhood.

Three sharp raps of the knocker, no more or else there would be complaints about setting the dogs off, and then it was almost no time before the sound of footsteps stomping down the hall to them could be heard. 

The door opened smoothly, revealing a sneering face which Jon really wanted to punch. 

“Ugh it’s you.” Theon said with an upturned nose.

“I’d thought you weren’t coming this year.”

Jon glared straight back, “And here I thought that Sansa had finally decided to get rid of you.”

They glared at each other for a moment more before cracking up in laughter. 

“Come on,” Theon said as he stepped to the side to let them in, “Robb will be pleased to use you as an excuse to get away from Rickon talking about his latest rugby match.”

“I’m glad I can be of service.” Jon said wryly, as he stepped into the welcome warmth of the Stark home. The scent of ginger and cinnamon filled the air, and Jon found his stomach rumbling.

The Stark Family Meals always had excellent food, with preparations starting weeks in advance as Catelyn, Ned and Sansa discussed and planned the menu between them.

Sansa was the only one of them trusted with such an honour, the only one trusted not to fuck it up and burn something and this ruin the meal. None of them envied her such an honour, not when they could just sit back and reap the rewards instead.

“Jon!” Sansa rounded on him as he entered the kitchen and pressed a kiss to each of his cheeks, “And who is this? Who did you bring with you?”

Jon’s hand reached back to link with Satin’s, it was a silent plea for courage and comfort as they faced his family, a plea that Satin happily and easily answered.

“Yes, Jon,” Father said, turning to look at them both, “Who is your guest?”

“This is Satin.” Jon said carefully, searching all the while for his family’s reactions, “He’s my boyfriend.”

There was a brief moment of quiet, and Jon’s heart started to beat faster and faster as he pictured the worst.

And then their faces split into wide smiles and Sansa even let out a squeal of joy. 

“He is! That’s great Jon!” She said, hugging them both in turn, “Hello Satin! It’s so great to meet you!”

A hand clapped against Jon’s back, and he turned to see Theon actually grinning supportively, “Good job, Snow. That took guts I didn’t think you had, I am unsure however, how you managed to get someone as good looking as that with your sullen face.”

“Fuck off Greyjoy.” Jon muttered back, aware of Aunt Cat and Father nearby and unwilling to be scolded so early into his visit and before his boyfriend.

He did not get the chance to say anything else though before he was pulled into the strong arms of his father.

“I’m pleased you feel comfortable enough to introduce us to your boyfriend.” Father said with a gentle smile, “I’m proud of you.”

Jon released Satin’s hand so he could hug father back, “Thanks.” He whispered wetly, “I don’t know why I was so worried about this.”

Father didn’t say anything, just smiled, and placed a hand on his shoulder, as solidly reassuring as ever.

Aunt Cat did not hug him or Satin, likely not wanting to leave the dish she was stirring, but she smiled at them both and that was more than enough. Jeyne, Robb’s girlfriend, did the same from where she was rolling out some pastry for yet another dish. 

His announcement was over, and a sigh of relief escaped both his and Satin’s mouths. Jon pressed a short kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek, one that thanked him for being there for him, and then he rolled up his sleeves and stepped forwards.

“So, is there anything I can do to help?”

—

The pantry was one of Jon’s favourite rooms, usually. It was quiet, and cool, and normally had a collection of cakes on one shelf.

Usually.

Usually it didn’t make him yelp when he opened the door, although perhaps that was not the pantry’s fault but rather the people inside it.

His brother and his sister’s boyfriend were inside, their arms around each other and their lips locked into an embrace.

They sprang apart guiltily at his entrance and yelp, their faces drained of any colour.

“J- Jon?” Robb said guiltily, “I swear, it’s- it’s not what it looks like.”

Jon scoffed. “So it doesn’t look like you and Theon are snogging each other, in the pantry, while both of your girlfriends are in the kitchen cooking for the whole family?”

Theon shrugged a careless shoulder, “Ok, so maybe it is what it looks like.”

Jon found he had to take a deep, steadying breath so that he didn’t punch Theon’s smug face.

How dare he make a joke and look so smug when Jon knew that Sansa would be heartbroken by his betrayal? And how dare Robb look so pleased with himself when both Jeyne and Sansa would be hurt by his actions?

His hand clenched into a fist and it took every ounce of his tenuous self control not to punch either of them.

“How could you do this to Sansa and Jeyne?” He said quietly, seething with rage, “How could you do this to two people you profess to love?”

“Jon-“ Robb stepped forwards, his hand outstretched, “Please-“

Jon cut him off with a sharp gesture, “No. No. You do not get to ask me for anything. I will keep your secret, for now, but only because I love you all too much to hurt any of you in such a way. I suggest you call off this affair, before someone gets hurt.”

He turned away from them, unwilling to see either of their faces any longer. 

He would just have to tell Jeyne that they were out of crystallised ginger, and hope that no one else came to look for it, or that if they did, that Robb and Theon would have moved on by then.

—

Jon was slightly surprised to get called into his little brother’s room with a furtive whisper. Strictly speaking he had been returning to the living room to rescue Satin from the clutches of Uncle Benjen ranting about the perils of deforestation as he always did after a glass or two of brandy.

It wasn’t that anyone in the family disagreed with Uncle Benjen, it was more that his rant was the same year after year and they were all getting rather tired of it.

“Jon,” Bran said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking slightly shifty, “Would you be able to do me a favour please?”

Jon could never deny his siblings anything really, he always was the soft touch. Probably why Bran was asking him for help instead of Robb or Sansa.

“What is it, Bran?” Jon sighed, as he pushed the door to Bran’s room shut behind him, “It had better not be that Jojen forgot to pay his weed guy. Again. And now both of you are in trouble. Again.”

Bran pulled an indignant face, “That only happened once!”

“Three times.”

“Once!”

“Three separate occasions by my count, Bran, and there are probably more that I don’t know about.”

Bran reluctantly conceded Jon’s point, “Its not that anyway. I, uhh, need you to go and let my boyfriend onto the property. I would ask the others but they’d extract some sort of horrible price from me for it.”

That was true. Especially Arya or Rickon, they could be ruthless in negotiating favours.

“Fine. Who is it?”

Bran pulled a nervous face and looked up at Jon with some trepidation, “You’ll know who it is when you see them, I’m sure. Just uhh- Just don’t be mad please?”

Well that wasn’t ominous at all.

—

A lone, small red car waited outside the ages to the property. It was a car which was familiar in a strange way, as were both the figures waiting inside it.

“Rickon?” Jon peered in through the passenger side window, “What are you doing here? I thought you were in your room?”

Rickon grinned at him guiltily with the slight scent of alcohol on his breath, “I was at Lyanna’s, and Tommen was kind enough to give me a lift home seeing as he was coming this way already.”

Jon frowned, “It’s ten o’clock in the morning, how were you already at Lyanna’s? And why do you smell like you have been drinking?”

Rickon cupped a hand over his mouth and breathed out, frowning as he caught the scent of drink on his own breath.

“Bugger. Jon, do you have any mints I can steal? Only mum will kill me if she realises I’ve been out.”

Jon rolled his eyes but handed his baby brother the pack of mint chewing gum he kept in his pocket. 

“You still haven’t answered my question, Rickon.” Jon prodded.

Rickon sighed and rolled his eyes, “Fine. I was out at Lyanna’s from yesterday evening, I sneak out regularly. Just like Arya does, and just like Tommen here sneaks in. We had a couple of drinks is all, it’s not like I’m actually drunk.”

Jon nodded, if Rickon was sneaking out it wasn’t like it was any of his business. Not when Jon himself had snuck out often as a teenager, visiting Ygritte or even just to go to a midnight film with Sam. 

“And you and Lyanna, you are friends? Together?”

“We are just friends. Nothing else.” Rickon denied fiercely, “It’s possible for a boy and a girl to just be friends you know.”

Jon nodded, and concealed his smile. Sure Rickon might believe that he and Lyanna were just friends now, but he had the same look in his eyes talking about her that Sansa had always had while talking about Theon to them all. 

He doubted Rickon would appreciate it much though if he brought that up to him, and so turned to Tommen instead.

“I assume you are who Bran told me to come and let in?” 

Tommen flushed slightly, “Yeah, normally Bran sends Rickon to let me in, but someone forgot their keys today.”

Rickon ducked his head and looked slightly bashful, “We all forget things sometimes, alright?”

Jon’s smile turned wry, “I think you are both just lucky it was me sent to let you in, seeing as I’m pretty sure Bran was going to ask Arya otherwise.”

Tommen and Rickon both exchanged relieved looks and turned to Jon together.

“Thank you!” They chorused, and Jon’s smile widened.

“You’re welcome.” He waved them through the open gate, “Oh and Tommen, congrats on finally admitting your feelings to Bran!”

Tommen’s flush deepened and as they drove past, Jon could see Rickon in a fit of laughter at Jon’s words.

—

Jon really needed to invest in brain bleach. He didn’t think he would ever get the image of Jeyne perched on Sansa’s lap, both girls’ hands having disappeared up their partner’s top. 

It was a sight he very much would never like to see again, not least because Jeyne was Robb’s girlfriend not Sansa’s.

His mind could only hold one secret affair and keep it from everyone else. If he had to hide Sansa’s as well then he would definitely go prematurely grey. And then Satin would be unhappy with him because Satin loved his hair. 

“What the FUCK!” He exclaimed, all sense of subtlety gone at the shock of such a sight. 

Sansa and Jeyne sprung apart, built on both their faces as they turned to see who had interrupted them. 

“Jon?” Sansa sounded almost scared, “Are you alright?”

Alright? Alright? Jon was most definitely not alright. The knowledge that two of his siblings’ partners were cheating on them with the other sibling was not knowledge that Jon had ever wanted to have in his mind.

“I am not, as you said, alright.” He breathed out, “I never thought out of everyone that you would be cheating on someone, Sansa, especially not that you would be cheating on Theon with Robb’s girlfriend!”

Jeyne clambered off of Sansa’s lap and smoothed her skirt, “We are not cheating.” She said primly.

“No?” Jon made his voice as scathing as he possibly could. “You aren’t cheating?”

“It isn’t cheating,” Jeyne continued, just as primly as before, “If Robb and Theon both know about it.”

Jon’s brain froze. He could not compute such a sentence.

Robb and Theon knew? Did- Did that mean Sansa and Jeyne knew about Robb and Theon as well?

“What about you? Do you know about Robb and Theon?” He asked tentatively, terrified that he had just thrown his brother under the bus.

Sansa fixed Jon with a horrified look, “No? What are Robb and Theon doing?”

Her voice had taken on a shrill, shrieking quality and Jon was hit with the sinking realisation that he may have fucked up.

He back-pedalled quickly, “That the two of them are such good friends?”

Jeyne’s voice began to shake, “Are you lying to us? Are- are Robb and Theon having an affair?”

Fuck. Fucking fuckity fuck. Jon had definitely fucked up.

“N- no?” Jon stuttered, absolutely certain that Robb and Theon would kill him slowly if he dobbed them in to their girlfriends. 

Sansa and Jeyne both stared at him, tears filling their eyes, and Jon was just starting to plan his new identity in Essos when they cracked. 

Sansa and Jeyne both started to laugh. Hard.

Their sides shook and tears streamed down their cheeks from the force of the laughter and Jon just found himself getting even more confused.

“We really got you this time, didn’t we Jon?” Sansa said through her laughter as she clung onto Jeyne for support, “As if we didn’t already know about Robb and Theon.”

“Hmm,” Jeyne agreed, “Subtle those two have never been.”

“So- so you all know about each other?” Jon said slowly, “And you are all ok with it? Just like that?”

Sansa nodded and patted his cheek in a slightly condescending manner, “Just like that.”

“But-“ Jon had to pause and try to order his thoughts, “But how did you get together? I just can’t get my head around it.”

“Well, you know how Robb and Theon went on a ‘lads’ trip last year?” Sansa said with a smile, “Well Jeyne came to stay with me and there was something between us the whole week, and then Robb and Theon came home all sheepish and confessed that they’d snogged one another and we worked things out from there.”

That really did not clarify anything, and Jon might have been content to leave it there and save his brain from trying to make sense of it, but there was one thing he had to ensure first.

(He might have been content to let it be as an impossibility had his biological father’s family not been the way it was)

“And you and Robb... you aren’t?”

Sansa blinked at him for a minute, obviously trying to work out his meaning, but when she did her face blanched. 

“No- Jon that’s - No. Absolutely not.” Sansa spluttered looking so disgusted Jon could not help but believe her. 

He sighed in relief. He hadn’t truly thought that Sansa and Robb would be together in that way, even if they shared partners, but it was a relief to have confirmation. 

“Thank fuck.” Jon sighed, “I was worried for a moment.” 

Sansa gave him a very strange look, “I know your father’s side of the family is strange, but neither Robb or I have any Targaryen blood in us. The very idea is abhorrent to us.”

Jon winced, “Sorry, it’s just, I felt like I had to check. Didn’t want to make things awkward for you after all.”

Sansa put a heavy hand on his shoulder, “I think it’s a little too late for that now Jon.”

—

Arya’s room had to be a safe spot, his little sister had never shown any interest whatsoever in boys or girls. It had to be safe from the parade of partners that his siblings seemed to have.

Jon had never been so wrong in his life. 

“Are none of us straight?” Jon sat down heavily on Arya’s bed, “Do you think it was something in the water growing up?”

Arya scoffed and finished pulling her jumper back on with a complete lack of shame, “Yeah right, more like mum and dad raised us to know and be proud of ourselves. It means that none of us have forced ourselves into unfulfilling relationships out of self shame.”

He should have known Arya would come up with an answer like that. She had always had a way of seeing straight to the depth of your soul and a lack of patience for sugar coating or bullshit. 

“Better than my family at least.” Myrcella said quietly, “I’m pretty sure mum is going to flip her lid at me being with a Stark.”

Jon wondered if he should tell her about her brother, or whether he should let her find it out herself. He had just interrupted her make out session with Arya though, and supposed that he owed her for that.

“You could always throw Tommen into the path of her wrath?” 

Myrcella raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him, “What?”

Well, in for a star in for a dragon.

“Bran and Tommen are seeing each other, and have been for a couple of months now if what they were saying earlier was any indication.”

Myrcella’s other eyebrow reached the heights of the first, “Are they now? How very interesting.”

The uncomfortable feeling that he may have just thrown Tommen to the lions started to fill Jon, uncomfortable because Tommen was a sweet boy who certainly did not deserve a calculating look like that aimed his way.

“Thank you for that information, Jon, it shall be very useful indeed.” 

It was an obvious dismissal, and one that Jon gratefully took, he had no desire to interrupt his sister and her girlfriend for any much longer.

Especially as both of them seemed the sort to just start snogging again if he took too long to leave. 

—

Jon’s head hurt, and he was sure that all his siblings took great delight in knowing that it did. He could hardly believe that he had originally thought that his bringing Satin would be scandalous. Now he knew better. 

His relationship with a man the same age as him was nothing compared to Arya and Bran announcing that they were dating Joffrey Baratheon’s siblings, and Robb and Sansa’s thing with Theon and Jeyne. 

They all sat around the dinner table, their expressions placidly innocent and Jon could not take it any longer.

“Does anyone else have a relationship they want to confess to?” Jon asked, glaring at his siblings with outrage.

“Well,” Aunt Cat said, delicately dabbing her lips with her napkin, “Your father and I have been seeing Jaime Lannister for the occasional threesome these past few months.”

A beat of horrified silence, and then, in unison they all exclaimed in horror.

“WHAT?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading 
> 
> Find me on tumblr @istaricelebelasse


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